Depression, Anxiety, & Loneliness
I've reconnected with an old friend over the past few weeks, and one of the main topics of conversation between the two of us has been loneliness. This friend has recently become single and is far from home away from family and his beloved dog, and I relate because I went through a similar sort of break up two years ago and am currently away from my pets, as well. Though we haven't spoken in years, we quickly connected over the loneliness we have in common, and it got me thinking about how my loneliness relates to my anxiety and depression.
Loneliness takes many forms. You can be lonely because you lack a significant other; someone to share your days and nights with. You can be lonely because you are far from familiar things. You can be lonely because your pet, your usual emotional support, is not by your side. Currently, I am experiencing two of those three forms of loneliness. I am lonely because I am romantically alone, and because I have been separated from my cats, who usually offer me a great deal of emotional support just with their presence.
I've noticed that, during a depressive episode, I pine for being romantically involved with someone. And I've found that, when I am anxious, I miss my cats more than ever. I've also noticed that when I am depressed, anxious, and lonely, the three feed off of and fuel each other, and make me feel worse in all three aspects.
I'm wondering how I can cure these lonely feelings. I know that depression and anxiety aren't curable, but they are manageable, and I am currently managing both effectively. But what about loneliness? How do you cure or manage that?
I imagine that loneliness can be cured only by getting rid of it completely. Like, I wouldn't be lonely anymore if I had a boyfriend, or, I wouldn't be lonely anymore if I had one of my cats with me in residence. Or, my old friend wouldn't be lonely if he weren't so far from home. But we can't just snap our fingers and change our situations. I can't wave a magic wand and make a boyfriend or one of my cats appear, and I can't throw magic dust onto my friend that will bring him back home away from his duties in The Navy. Since we can't change our situations to cure our loneliness, we can only manage it. But how?
I'm not really sure, but I have a vague idea. To manage loneliness, I would imagine that we would need to surround ourselves with familiar things and stay busy, to distract ourselves from our lonely thoughts. I'm not saying I sit around all day and think about not having a significant other, but it does cross my mind and it does sit in the back of my mind most of the time. When I start thinking about it, the sadness sets in, so I need to figure out a way to stop the sadness and redirect my thoughts. I figure I can do this by busying myself.
My friend mentioned he may be picking up a few hobbies while he is away. I told him this was a great idea because he enjoys these hobbies, they are great ways to cope with his anxiety and depression, and will also serve as healthy distractions from his lonely thoughts and moments. I need to do the same; pick up a hobby or find something I can do regularly to keep my mind busy. I'm thinking of getting back into coloring. Writing has always been my go-to coping skill, but lately I am having a hard time thinking of what to write about. Coloring requires no brainstorming, it is just action. It's relaxing and busying and relieves my anxiety.
By picking up a hobby and distracting my mind from its lonely thoughts, I'll also be coping effectively with the anxiety and depression that both play into and are affected by my loneliness. It's like killing three birds with one stone, until my situation changes and my loneliness can be cured.
I am hoping my situation changes. I hope to meet someone, and I hope to be able to have one of my cats with me soon. But until that happens, I'll cope with and manage my loneliness just like I cope with and manage my depression and anxiety; by distracting myself and making myself busy.
The three alone can make you miserable, but the three combined, when felt all at the same time, can be devastating. Depression, anxiety, and loneliness are hard to deal with, but not when you learn to cope. I'm big on making lists of coping skills for others to try, and often make a list for myself when the three seem to hard to cope with. Below is a list of my ten favorite coping skills that I need to be more diligent in using when I am depressed, anxious, or lonely.
1. Writing
2. Reading
3. Coloring
4. Drinking hot tea
5. Taking a walk
6. Watching a movie
7. Playing with Josie
8. Writing and sending letters
9. Cleaning
10. Online window shopping
All of those things will distract me and help me busy myself. I have to rewrite this list often because I forget what to do when I am too depressed, too anxious, or too lonely to think properly. I believe everyone should have a list of coping skills they can use, and that they should keep it somewhere where they can see it during down times.
Now I'm rambling and it's time to feed Josie.
