Daily Prompt: Discuss A Problem You Have Had In The Past
My mental disorders have caused a variety of problems for me throughout my life, the most prominent being how I conduct myself when in a romantic relationship.
I say that this was a problem in my past because I have worked very hard to rectify it now, and no longer see it as an issue.
When in a romantic relationship, everything starts out OK. The honeymoon phase is lovely, and then getting comfortable with someone is pleasant and comforting. But the more comfortable I would get with my partner, the more clingy, obsessive, and controlling I would become.
My borderline personality disorder has always made it difficult for me to have healthy and stable romantic relationships. I experience symptoms that affect my romantic relationships; fear of abandonment, depression, mood swings, irritability and risky behavior. All of these symptoms change who I am while in a romantic relationship, and do not change me for the better.
In the past, my romantic partners have found my symptoms to be unbearable, and ultimately ended our relationships because they deemed me 'crazy' and 'intolerable'. This was an obvious problem because I would end up confused, heartbroken, and alone, wondering what I did wrong as I still didn't have a good understanding of my BPD and its affects on my romantic relationships.
The problem was my BPD, and my lack of understanding and treating it. It remains a problem of my past because I now understand my BPD and how it can affect my romantic relationships, and I now know how to manage my BPD, and in turn know how to have healthy and stable romantic relationships.
Through CBT therapy, and eventually DBT therapy, I won't allow my BPD to change how I conduct myself in my romantic relationships. I have worked very hard and will continue to be diligent in my treatment so that I can be happy, and so my future partner can be happy, and so that we can maintain a healthy romantic relationship.
