Yesterday's Prompt: How Have You Changed Over The Past Few Years? Show Pictures
I've changed in all aspects over the past few years; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The biggest changes I find in myself are in my physical appearance and mental stability. I've gone form mentally unstable; depressed and hypomanic, to stable and even-keeled. I've seen myself gain and lose weight primarily due to medication and depression, and am currently the heaviest I've ever been because of those reasons and because I have had a hard time shedding the weight I gained during pregnancy.
In this first photo at the top, it was Christmas of 2015 and I was pregnant with Josephine. This is one of my favorite photos because I believe I have that pregnancy "glow". I was stable at this time.
In the photos above, I was living in Hawaii during 2012. I was at my thinnest, and was the most unstable I have ever been. I had taken myself off of my medication without talking with my doctor, and lived in constant ups and downs.
This photo was taken in 2013, when I lived in Arkansas with my ex-fiance. Here, I was not being treated properly and was in a prolonged depressive episode. I thought I was happy, but as I gained weight and stopped loving myself, I realized how depressed and unhappy I really was.
Jump back to 2011, when I was heavily medicated. In this photo, at my best friend's graduation, I could hardly hold myself up and was experiencing terrible tremors due to the medication. This was after my second hospitalization when I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
Now, jump forward to 2015. I was the most stable I have ever been. I was on the correct cocktail of medication, was taking care of myself, was holding down a stable job, and was taking part in some extracurricular activities; I was a stage kitten for a burlesque troupe. I was comfortable with my body and was generally happy with my life.
Really jump back to 2009. The year before my first severe depressive episode, and the year before I received my bipolar diagnosis. I was a member of a fashion team at a local mall, had stayed out of trouble for quite awhile, and was pretty comfortable in my own skin.
In this photo, also in 2014, I had just found out I was pregnant, and was still in a good place mentally and physically.
This photo was taken in January of 2014, the month I returned home from Arkansas after the split from my ex-fiance. I was heartbroken, lost, depressed, and unhappy with myself in all aspects. I still wasn't being treated properly for my mental disorders, but soon after this photo was taken, I visited my doctor and was put on the proper treatment plan.
In this photo, I changed completely. I morphed into a mother the day this photo was taken. I no longer cared about my body or my stability, I only cared about my baby. Soon after this photo was taken, I was afflicted by postpartum depression and again, was unstable.
This is my most recent photo. I am the heaviest I have ever been, and am experiencing a depressive episode. I have no energy, no interest, and feel sad and worthless most of the time.
I have changed a lot over the years, and am still changing. As I emerge from this depressive episode, I plan to get back into shape and get back to being stable. I will be moving out on my own and starting school, and will hopefully be starting to work outside the home. I continue to change, and I only hope that I continue to change in positive ways.
