Baby Steps: Not Going Well
My older sister told me to take baby steps toward being healthy and well in all ways, and I was doing really well at first. I started out with the baby step of self care, then added the baby step of doing chores, and was then going to add the baby step of doing my makeup everyday to maximize my self-esteem and confidence. I never followed through with the third baby step, and actually have taken a few steps back since I started taking these baby steps a few weeks ago.
I have let go of self care, let go of chores, and haven't attempted to apply makeup at all. I am so fatigued and overwhelmed by it all. I have a doctor's appointment next week to hopefully figure out what is going on with this intense fatigue and moderate depression, but until then, I don't know what to do. I am constantly tired, but it's not a sleepy tired. It's through my whole body, down to my bones. I feel like when I walk, I am walking through cement. Everything is in slow motion, and so I retreat to the couch every moment I can.
I see this as a failure. I was doing well, and now I am not, and so I feel like I have failed. I feel like I could try harder at forcing myself, but when I try, I get anxious and end up on the couch or in bed.
Today, I am going to skip self care and jump into chores instead of swaddling myself in my blankets when Josie lays down for a nap. So far today, I have eaten and taken my medication and vitamins and brushed my teeth, and for that I am proud. That's the extent of my self care for today.
Today, I have already started my schoolwork, which was going to be the fourth baby step I was going to add to the others I was taking. I have a plan for the baby steps I am going to take, especially when Josie and I move.
My plan is as follows:
Step one: get settled into apartment.
After we are settled in, I will focus on step two at first.
Step two: self care. ex: shower every night, wash my face every day, brush my teeth twice, eat three meals, take my medications and vitamins, keep up with shaving my legs and my tending to my nails and eyebrows
After a few days of consistent self care, I will add in the baby step of exercise
Step three: do some sort of workout every morning. take walks with josie on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays.
After a few days of consistent self care and exercise, I will add in chores
Step four: do one chore in each room every day
After a few days of steps one through four combined, I will add in socialization one or two days per week.
Step five: visits and playdates.
I will combine all of these five steps and hopefully by the end of September, will be consistent with all of them. Keep in mind I will be working on these baby steps all while doing schoolwork and working two days a week. That's why they are baby steps, so I don't get overwhelmed.
Wish me luck. We are moving Sunday and Monday is when I am going to restart taking my baby steps.
