Daily Prompt: What Is Something/Someone You Miss?
There is a lot about my pre-baby life that I miss; late nights out, spontaneous road trips, sleeping all day, and dating. I do miss those things, especially dating (the right way). Not too long before I had Josie, I was starting to date. I went on strictly platonic dates with men with the goal of getting to know the other person and share who I was with them. I made a lot of great friends this way, but didn't find a potential partner.
I miss dating. I miss getting dressed up to go out to dinner, to trivia night, or to coffee with someone I have taken a special interest in. I miss that first date nervousness I used to feel, and the excitement of seeing my date walk through the door. I miss the experience of dating; the genuine conversation and laughter, the telling of stories, and the opportunity of making new friends.
But even more than I miss dating, I miss romance. And I'm not talking about romance with multiple partners, and I'm not talking about physical intimacy.
I'm talking about romance, the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. I'm talking about experiencing romance; courting, being wooed by my partner.
I miss the butterflies in my stomach upon meeting my partner for a date. I miss the colossal butterflies in my stomach upon kissing my partner and holding his hand. I miss strolling together, dining together, lounging together, and sleeping (the act of sleeping) together.
I miss little romantic gestures; receiving flowers for no reason, handwritten notes, being prepared dinner, surprise phone calls, and taking candid photos.
I miss the feeling of excitement and nervousness upon meeting my partner's friends and family, and I miss how it feels to be accepted by the people that love my partner.
I miss romantic moments like cooking dinner together, snuggling up to watch a movie, taking walks hand in hand, and occasionally making out like teenagers.
Romance is something that I missed before I even experienced it. As a young girl, I would watch age appropriate romantic comedies and long for the romance I saw between the main character and her beau. At this point I was oblivious to physical intimacy, and just longed for the innocence of romance and romantic gestures.
I've missed romance while in committed romantic relationships. I've been in several relationships that completely lacked romance, and I was unhappy. My romantic side needs to be fed regularly, and I need the opportunity to express my romantic feelings to my partner, as well.
I miss romance because it's been more than two years since I've encountered it. My last romantic relationship was indeed, romantic in the beginning, but the more comfortable we got with one another, the less romantic our relationship was.
I long for the type of relationship where romance never dies, and I know that it is possible. I've met elderly couples who have been together for 60+ years who tell me they still experience romance with one another in some way every day. I want that, and those couples prove that it is possible as long as you've found the right partner.
My borderline personality disorder contributes to me being a hopeless romantic. My BPD allows me to feel stronger emotions than other people, and that includes love. My BPD allows me to be empathetic and feel what others are feeling, and when that feeling is love, I pick up on it strongly and reciprocate even stronger still.
But, my BPD sometimes makes it hard for me to control my emotions and my emotion of love. I've been known to go overboard in the romance department, acting too quickly and presenting too many romantic gestures at a time.
I have worked very hard to gain control of my passion for romance. I have mentally prepared myself for my next romantic relationship, and have reigned in my passion for romance knowing that there is a time and a place for romantic gestures.
I not only miss being on the receiving end of romance, but on the giving end, as well. I love expressing my endearment and passion for my partner, and miss being able to do that, and miss it being appreciated and reciprocated.
I am a hopeless romantic. I always have been, and though I've been burned more times than I can count, I always will be. I will always look for prince charming, and always believe that he and my (realistic) fairytale are out there.
I will miss romance until it is once again within my reach, and in the meantime, will fill my romance cravings with sappy movies and love stories told to me by my friends.
