I Finally Saw The Psychiatrist
Yesterday, I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in three months. I'm never happy to see her, as we don't 'mesh' well together and she doesn't really hear me when I tell her what's going on. I was grateful for the appointment, though, because I've been in need of a medication adjustment for quite awhile now; almost three months. I've been in a pretty nasty depressive episode for the past three months that my regular coping skills haven't touched, which is why I was convinced that it was a problem with my medications. I went into her office expecting her to change my medication or increase the dose, and was hopeful that for once, she would listen and really hear me. As I sat down in the uncomfortable red chair next to her desk, she asked me the three routine questions she always asks: Are you having suicidal thoughts? Are you seeing things? Are you hearing things? To which I replied, "Yes", "No", "No". She didn't seem concerned with my first answer, and moved onto the part of the appointment where I tell her what has been going on since our last meeting. I explained all of my depressive symptoms, and when I was finished, we both agreed that we would change my mood stabilizer from Lamictal to Depakote. I wondered why she wasn't changing the antidepressant I'm on, but didn't say anything. We finished talking and she said she would see me back in one month. I called shortly after I left because I wasn't satisfied with the change of my mood stabilizer, and she explained that she only wants to change one medication at a time. OK. That is fine, it makes sense. I start the Depakote today. She said to give it two weeks to take full affect. I am impatient, but will practice patience in the meantime. Today, I saw my nurse practitioner, the doctor who prescribes the Adderall for my ADHD symptoms. I came in hopeful that she would either increase the dose or change it to Vivansse, because the dose of Adderall I take currently hasn't touched me for one month. My ADHD symptoms are back in full force; inability to focus and concentrate, irritability, fidgeting, easily distracted, can't complete tasks, etc. She was hesitant at first and I was starting to panic, but finally she agreed to try Vivansee for one month until I would return to her office. I was satisfied with this appointment because I was also able to get a lot off my chest, including hos dissatisfied I have been with my psychiatrist. My nurse practitioner suggested switching, because it is so important that you mesh with your health care professionals. I already have an intake appointment with a new psychiatrist for the end of the month, and am now even more sure that I want to keep it. I am hoping that this new doctor will reevaluate my diagnosis, and that he will listen and hear me when I explain what has been going on these past few months, and even these past few years. I will give my new medications a try, and per the advice of a friend, will try ACT therapy. ACT therapy uses acceptance and mindfulness with commitment and behavior change strategies to increase psychological flexibility. In English, it will help me be able to complete tasks that otherwise seem daunting and that increase my anxiety. I've found various worksheets online that I will be starting today. The same friend gave me another valuable piece of advice; to remain optimistic. I am optimistic that these medications will help pull me out of and keep me from falling back into such a severe depressive episode. I am optimistic that I will get along well with the new doctor I see at the end of the month. I am optimistic that I will be able to get back into a healthy daily routine. I am optimistic that I will lose the weight I've gained since May. I am hopeful, optimistic, and trying to have patience with these medication changes, but I can't help but let this thought linger in the back of my mind: What if the medications don't work? What if I'll be stuck in this depressed state indefinitely? The thought lingers. It makes me anxious. So I will try to combat that thought with my surefire coping skills and by keeping myself busy today. I also see a new therapist next week, so that is also something to look forward to and be optimistic about. Thanks to those who have supported me these past two weeks as I was anxious awaiting my doctor's visit. Thank you to those who have encouraged me and who have reminded me to remain patient and optimistic. Your support is much needed and much appreciated, and means a lot to me.
