Yesterday's Prompt: What Is Your Biggest Regret
I had a very busy and hectic day yesterday and the blogging prompt slipped my mind. I'm making up for it by doing two today.
It's taken me a few moments to reflect on my life and my bad decisions. I'd like to be one of those people that say "I have no regrets, every bad experience I've had has helped me grow into the person that I am today."
But I am not.
My biggest regret is not allowing myself to be treated for my mental disorders while I lived in Arkansas.
This is my biggest regret because had I been treated, the events of my life in Arkansas would have been drastically different, and been better.
I was engaged to be married, had my own apartment with my partner, had two cats and a job that I loved. But I was in a consistent depressed state. I was unhappy, inactive, sad, and had a terrible view of myself.
Had I been honest with my doctor about my already diagnosed disorders, I would have been put on the proper medication to help me manage my symptoms, and I would not have been in a depressive episode for so long.
My depressed state affected how I took care of myself and my home, and that bothered my partner because I gained weight and let the apartment go.
Had I received the treatment I needed through medication and counseling, I wouldn't have been depressed, wouldn't have gained weight, and would've been able to keep up with our home.
I didn't disclose my mental illness to my doctor because I was still in denial of the diagnosis. I didn't want to be bipolar, and didn't want to admit that my symptoms were affecting my life in such a profound way. I wasn't even honest with my partner about my bipolar disorder or its symptoms, so he assumed I was just lazy and had no work ethic.
I really wanted to be married and start a life with this man, and I was happy with the idea of that. But my true unhappiness brought on by my depression reigned over my happiness of the idea, and ultimately that idea died.
Ultimately, I regret not being treated for my bipolar disorder because my life would have been drastically different and better if I had been treated. I regret it.
