Why I Always Disclose My Mental Illness Before The First Date
It hasn't always been this way.
I used to hide my mental disorders from my romantic partners for as long as I could until my symptoms made that impossible to do.
But now, one of the first things I tell a potential love interest is that I have a mental illness - or a few - for several reasons.
One, it gives them the opportunity to run in the other direction without investing too much time into getting to know me. I know that sounds awful, but I completely understand someone being afraid of something they know nothing about.
Two, it gives them the chance to do their own research and to learn about each of my mental disorders.
Three, it gives them the chance to ask me questions about my mental disorders, and therefore learn more about them and lose the chance to stigmatize me.
Four, it gives me the opportunity to go into detail about why I advocate for mental health so avidly, and gives me the chance to explain my writing, my passion, up front.
I don't believe that waiting into further in the relationship to disclose my mental disorders would be healthy. I would essentially be lying to my partner, and lying to myself. Keeping my mental illness hidden would become such a large burden on my shoulders, and would probably result in a depressive episode, which I would then have to explain anyway.
To me, it's important to share the biggest parts of your life with someone right away. For me, that biggest part is my mental illness and how I advocate for mental health.
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and by sharing my story at the start of a new romantic relationship, I lessen the chance of being stigmatized by my partner later on. Sharing my story in the beginning also lessens the chance of my partner being angry at me for keeping my battle with mental illness a secret.
I believe in giving a person, especially a person I could possibly love, the chance to understand my mental illness. What if that person would understand and then actually help me through it? By not disclosing my mental illness, I could miss out on extra support, encouragement, and love from someone I care about.
It wouldn't be fair to my partner to keep my mental illness a secret, either. Showing signs and symptoms of my mental disorders with no explanation can be confusing and quite frustrating to a romantic partner, and I say this because I have experienced it.
In my last serious relationship, I hid my mental illness. I was frequently depressed, not taking care of myself or the home I shared with my partner, and he was extremely bothered. He didn't understand, and so he deemed me 'lazy'. I let him convince me I was 'lazy', and completely forgot that I was in the midst of a depressive episode.
Had I only explained my depression to him, he could have possibly understood and not have been so hard on me. But, that is in the past, and I have learned from the mistake of keeping my mental illness a secret.
I am sick. I have several mental disorders that have physical affects, as well, and trying to hide those physical attributes of my illness is extremely difficult. Instead of keeping my mental, emotional, and physical symptoms hidden, I find it best to be up front about them, not only to warn a person, but to educate a person, as well.
I have had two encounters recently with men where I have told them right away about my mental illness, prior to going on a date. One of them reacted with humor, making a joke about my mental illness, and the other responded with acceptance and support. I've chosen to give the latter a chance, and put to the test whether or not he really doesn't believe the lies of stigma.
I share my story to do my part in ending the stigma that surrounds mental illness. I share my story any way I can, in any situation where someone is getting to know me. It's important to me because my mental disorders are a big part of my life, and I want people to know and try to understand every part of me.
For all of these reasons, I will bring up my mental health journey during the get-to-know-you process of a new relationship, and I will not be ashamed.
